1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
