I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
