well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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