tell your sister to shave her snatch
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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