Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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