Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
