so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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