Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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