party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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