She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
