He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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