you turned your livingroom into a bong?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
