Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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