So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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