I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
