I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I smell like Dick and happiness
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
