ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
