I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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