If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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