Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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