We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My first STD was from a foam party
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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