why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
