i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think i got beer on your cat.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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