Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
