You're completely useless in the revolution.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
