It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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