I got chris browned last night
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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