so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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