pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
