Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
