hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have post one night stand depression
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