batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
