and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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