it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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