Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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