Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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