Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm both gender and math confused
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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