Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
