I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
