Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
