I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
