so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he shaved USA in his pubs
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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