Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
