he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
