I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
