Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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