Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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