Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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