I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I still have a little drunk in my system
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
