i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
FUCK WHALES
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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