what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
