we're blogging at a bar
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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