You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
