She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
