she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I want a musical about memes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
