I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
