STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
