I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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