Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
