If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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