Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
